Monday, May 17, 2004

Where's My Damned Iraqi Oil?

You know, I spend how many damn billions ensuring my oil keeps flowing for the fifty or so years I have left. Well, where the hell is it? I'm pretty pissed about not getting it in a timely manner.

That being said, it occurs to me that the Iraqis have a problem with upstarts wanting control of all the wealth. It's not about God or Allah, or the Filthy Americans <spit> ®, it's about the big pile of cash that every little pissant warlard thinks he can get a piece of.

Well, screw 'em. Write a dividend into the Iraqi constitution. This will accomplish several things:

  1. force every citizen to register in a big database to get his check.
  2. give every registered citizen a vested interest in keeping the peace (his check)
  3. encourage the Iraqis to close down their borders so as not to get more citizens.
  4. encourage them to have fewer babies for the day when the oil is gone and the world will have to support them.
  5. ENCOURAGE THEM TO PUMP MORE OF MY OIL SO I CAN FILL UP MY EXCURSION!

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