Thursday, July 15, 2004

Gridlock. Those were the days.

I hesitated getting into the election debate thus far because I simply hadn't made up my mind. (You should know I'm not shy - hell, I advocate giving free drugs to addicts for the purpose of letting them OD and clean up the gene pool.)

The only driving factor in politics is self-interest. If you're not voting for the candidate that will benefit you the most in the long run, you're a liar or a fool. The trick is to recognize what is good for you in the long run.

For many people it means leaving a legacy to their children or, pardon the sentimental gushy crap, the world as a whole, peace on Earth, save the animals (presumably so I can shoot and eat them), Mother Gaia, and the interstellar community. These people are idiots.

For others, the long run means getting into Heaven (good luck with that), living with a walled fortress, or establishing themselves as a warlord to eventually rule the world. While I have to admire the ambition to rule the world, I have dibs. So my duty is to shut these people down.

But I intend Earthly immortality - after all being immortal is the best way for me to pass on my genes. And what better legacy to leave my children than me? That means money and biotech. It also probably means cloning and stem cells.

The immortality research must continue, so I have to tell all the anti-stem-cell-people-who-are- trying-to-get-into-Heaven- but-will-fail-because- they're-all-hypocrit-bastards to get screwed. (This is a bit difficult because, as George Carlin points out, that's a compliment.)

But axiom 1 is: Biotech Must March On.

Assuming that we do discover immortality (or develop it in a hundred little steps), it's pretty clear that not everyone will get it. Making everyone immortal means an insane extention of Malthus, so regardless how the gushy populist goofballs (or in come cases hateful populist goofballs) might think that life extending should benefit humanity and the Common Man, the Common Can isn't going to get it. Frankly, most people-not-me don't deserve it anyway. So in order to gain access you'll have to be in the "in". (As an afterthought, I'm considering letting the Common Man have it - a little of the Soylent Green treatment would weed out the genepool nicely.)

That means money. Thus Axiom 2: I must get obscenely wealthy to get on the list, even if that means condemning millions of others to poverty (tough shit shortlifers).

Clearly the current state of our government isn't going to make this happen. Republicans have this craziness about them when it comes to sucking up to the folk-who-aren't-getting-into-Heaven-even-though-they-think-they-are. But the alternative is just as bad. That's the crowd that not only sucks up to the gushy brain damaged tree huggers, but want to take my money away from me in the process.

I mean how the HELL am I supposed to achieve political domination with these yahoos running around thinking that other people have rights?

The only reasonable course is to shut both groups down. History has taught us that the taxpayer and the Common Man benefit greatest when the Federal Government can't do squat. So that is the goal.

In order to return to the glory days of total and complete Federal Paralysis, we must throw over either the Executive branch or one of the Houses of Congress. The current state can't continue - no damned work is getting done on my immortality!

While Bush is obviously a complete idiot, I do kind of like his ambition to establish the US as the only viable military force on Earth. He also seems to like cutting taxes on the rich (which is actually the same as cutting taxes, because poor people don't pay, the bastards.) These are huge plusses.

Leading to Axiom 3: I need to be a citizen of the most powerful country on Earth.

But the Patriot Act must be reversed. I simply can't have the Feds looking into my world domination plans too carefully. Luckily enough, there's a sunset clause.

Axiom 4: Nobody needs to see what I'm up to in the basement. Ever.

I think the best bet is to shut down Congress, keeping the President, at least for now, but it has to be one or the other. Not Both.

Hell, no, not both. If anything, Democrats are crazier than Republicans - we can't have that.

Finally, THESE PEOPLE are idiots. And bastards.

1 comment:

птица (Ptiza) Odelay said...

How many axions does it take to chop down a tree?